Name/Title
AU Harris, Joseph Hastings - 1896-03-15 letter to Bertha Elizabeth LambertEntry/Object ID
1990.1.88Context
[Ada, OH, to Miss Bertha Lambert, Westerville, Ohio, “Franklin Co.,” Enclosure: Programme for Y.M. & Y.W.C.A., Ohio Normal University, Spring Term, 1896.]
Ada, Ohio. Mar. 15, 1896.
Miss Lambert,
Westerville, Ohio.
My Loving Bertha: This, what seems to me a sacred hr., comes again, when I may pour out my soul to you who always so willingly listens to my prattle. Your note came to hand and rather surprised me until I saw the contents. Yes I think you got some peculiar kind of business mixed up in it, although it was just the kind that suits me. However you are the only one of my business correspondents that close their letters in such endearing terms, but perhaps they teach that at O.U.
I saw Prof. Wright and Mrs. McCoppin and they both said they had never seen their copies since the play and knew of no one in town who had them.
They thought you could get copies by sending to A. D. Ames, Publisher, Clyde, Ohio. I am sorry I could not do more, but perhaps faithfulness will answer for the deed. School is starting out with good interest with a victory for Philos in Soc. contest.
I would much rather have you sitting at my side at this table (or one of our own) that to attempt to say in written characters what is in my mind.
No I hardly think I misunderstood you although I may have presented my thought in such a bungling manner that you thought I misunderstood you. You did not state what the sentence was but, I thought I knew and perhaps should not have uttered the sentence, but I am rather an extremist when once in motion. After asking for guidance in these thoughts I make free to say what is in my mind today. I believe the chord of love that binds us is stronger today than ever before. I feel fully convinced that we have looked down deeper into each other's hearts and are better suited with each other now than ever before. I feel that God's work would not have been complete without giving you existence and I thank Him today for having given you a disposition that was touched by the yearnings of my soul and that we each possess, written not only with pen but in the sweetest recesses of our lives, vows that it seems to me pleases “high Heaven.” I need not express my love in stronger terms. I think you know my past and I know yours. Whatever other heart may have sought your hand and for the time made its impress in your life, I have never entertained a single thought but that you were mine, devotedly and unreservedly in all that pertains to the vow of betrothal, and in proof of this I think no one could exhibit a more striking example of sacrifice and devotion than you my “Loved One” have exhibited in all our separation and correspondence.
I believe that you have no other thought in mind but that you will at our earliest convenience become a partner with me in the work of life. So my “Dear” do not worry about anything that may have been said in this helpful discussion between us. Our arrangements may have been premature, but for myself nothing has been more helpful in causing me to consider carefully the field of life. I realize that it seems strange that we do not know just what our course of life will be. I have often wished that it might have been otherwise and indeed I censure myself for such indecision, but like thousands of other young men, I was not in fit condition two or three yrs ago to decide a life work. How can a Christian young man or woman decide their work according to the will of God, not knowing the field of the world, the needs of men and the will of God concerning them? Three yrs ago my decision would have been made without any knowledge whatever of some of the most vital things necessary to a proper decision, but I am not urging this as an excuse for my negligence and indecision. I believe we are held accountable for these indecisions or whatever you may wish to term it. Your mentioning our work of course has caused me to think perhaps even more seriously than I otherwise would have done. I am very glad you presented it as you did.
You may think my talk is not to the point and that with studied care I have left the field in such a position that on any pretence I could evade the real point in question. It seems so to me to a certain extent, but I feel that I can not say otherwise than is recorded in these lines. You realize that much of my work in this direction has been of a destructive nature {ie} so many ideas and theories which were taught me (I do not speak disparagingly of parents and friends) have had to be eradicated before the true idea could take root that too much time has been taken in this way, nor can I say that I am free now to view many of those things as you and the majority of church people view them. Perhaps I am wrong, but there is a certain train of sectarianism and eccleciasticism connected with church work that I have felt in one sense repelled from that work however not so much now as formerly. I have considered very favorably the Y.M.C.A. work, but unless it might be in connection with college work I have decided that it would not be the field for me, although a noble and wide field. I feel safe in saying that the field is narrowed to two fields, the first as mentioned above is the ministry in this country perhaps in an evangelical way. Now to consult my own tastes and ideas of culture and desire for study and having a happy home I would not go past the work of the ministry although I might be too radical to be held by some of the ideas prevalent, but when I study the needs of the world as it now exists and the great example and commands of our Lord somehow the trend of thought is changed into another direction viz: the foreign field. This may surprise you somewhat “dear girl” but if the foreign work calls me I feel that it will be as a medical missionary and if this comes about it means a change in the whole tenure of my life. I have thought so much of how grand it would be to be situated with a library about us in such a way that there might be time for study of literature, philosophy etc, but perhaps that is selfish. I really never thought of myself being called into the med. field until since our visit. I find a struggle going on in my mind and feel loath in one sense to give up the idea of literary pursuits, but if this other work continues to present itself it must have a very careful consideration in our plan and if it is the will of God I can gladly give up the other cherished hope and spend my life in trying to follow the footsteps of our Master in working among the loathesomeness of heathen darkness. I consider it a great field much greater than to go there as a minister alone. If this is followed out I would not think of spending less than four yrs in medicine & surgery.
You see that makes quite a change and I can hardly imagine how the idea will strike you. It almost surprises me that it should have been presented and yet for Jesus' sake if it be His will I will abandon the other work.
Now as I said before I do not consider these statements binding in any way. It simply opens up the field for our consideration and I trust that you may consider these fields of which I have spoken and I shall very carefully consider the fields which you may mention.
I never have felt any call in any line saying that I must do this or do that. It seems to me it must come from a study of the field, the needs, our qualifications and a calm trust in God to guide our judgments. We have only a short time to stay here at most and (II Tim. 2:12) “if we suffer we shall also reign with Him” but if we suffer in this work I desire very much to suffer with you and I believe it will be permitted.
Now, Dear Bertha, I have set before you as clearly as the light given permits, just how I feel on this subject. Your call may be such that you could not conscientiously take up the first consideration mentioned and as we never talked of the second {ie} med. work, that may be very repulsive to you, and I may have said something in this letter that may cause our separation in work, but I feel perfectly at ease and believe that it will come out all right. I have said only that which I felt was necessary to be said in order to follow out our plans of writing. If you have any questions in any way will you be free to ask it? And I shall take the same privilege with you. Let us consider each other's views etc. and then continue in prayer until our visit which I trust we may have at the time mentioned. If I can get away Thursday afternoon I think that will give us quite a long visit, perhaps it would suit you and your work better to wait until Friday evening so you could have Friday to yourself. It will make no difference at all to me and if it does to you I just want you to speak right out. It is now 3 P.M. and perhaps you are waiting to write this evening, but I thought I might not have time after church tonight as this is quite an extended letter. I know you will be anxious to read it and I shall watch very closely for your letter. You will be very busy now for two wks no doubt. You must not work too hard or I will scold? and punish? you when I come home. Those two wks seem very long to me, but perhaps the joy will be the sweeter.
I imagine I see you with your hair combed early as you anxiously listen for the St. car and I know what is better yet a warm, gushing reception awaits me. I trust this exchange of letters will be helpful to both of us. May the Spirit of God direct us both and keep my Loved One safe.
Your True Lover,
J. H. Harris.
