Name/Title
AU Ward, Helen Marie [O'Connor] - 2000-12-19 letter to Paul J. Harris Jr.Entry/Object ID
2010.1.33Context
Dec. 19, 2000
Dear Paul,
There are no words I can write to express how much you being there for me at such a trying time meant to me and Nancy, Patti, & John.
Your quiet strength gave me so much support. You're always ready to do, whatever necessary, without intrusion. So much like your father. A take charge person without appearing so.
For you and Abby to come to Florida and then you to be here in Wayne, I know came as a sacrifice & expense beyond anything.
It was always sad for me to know that John & Carol never had the relationship that you and I have. I trust it will never falter.
I also know how much John meant to you and yet you were there for me, putting your grief aside. I will always be there for you & Abby & Paul.
Love,
Your loving sister,
{Helen}
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Paul,
Enclosed is John's Eulogy
Emilys Poem for your genealogy -
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[Attachments]
12/22/00
Thank you all for being here with us today. I know that some of you are here at great disruption to your daily routines and some of you have traveled a good distance to be here and we value that show of support greatly.
In the past few days I have had a chance to reflect on the relationship I have with my father. Strangely enough I realized that it was only in the past five years or so that I came to truly know him as an adult. As a young boy I think I just viewed him as a hero. Not really understanding why I thought that way. Probably it was just a sense that there was no possible situation in the world that could come up with which he could not deal with. Then comes adolescence and a period of self absorbance during which you just take for granted that he is there to take care of whatever needs to be taken care of. A little later in life you go through a rebellious period during which you feel you know more than he could ever hope to teach you. Finally you become an adult and then you realize that, to borrow a quote, that the older you get the more your father seems to know. It was however when I came to work with him and sit opposite of him in the office day in and day out that I gained a real clear understanding of him as a person.
One thing about my father was that he was incredibly if not maddingly analytical. When I discussed a decision with him he would think about it tirelessly and come up with one hundred reasons why I should in one direction. After listening to hiss reasoning I would be leaning in his direction. The next day he would come in with a hundred fifty reasons why the other direction might be best. After he was done pouring over every minute detail he would invariably sum it all up by saying, "What's the difference do whatever you want." He would later ask what decision I had made. And when I would reply I don't know yet, he would say I don't understand why it is so difficult for you to make a decision.
The other irony that occurs to me is this. My father's heart was both very fragile and also his strongest quality. He was a man who could not bear to see anyone or anything in pain whether they were animals or people, strangers or friends, wherever he saw suffering it shook him to the core. I recently was told that he actually considered the occupation of undertaker early in life because he had an uncle in the business. I laughed when I heard this because I could think of no more inappropriate occupation for him than this. Thankfully he gave up on this after a few days because I know that if he had to face people in grief every day he probably would have worked about two days in his life.
His sole preoccupation in life however was providing for his family. This is what drove him constantly. He was never satisfied with what he had to give being enough. If I can say anything to him now it would be this. Relax, with all that you have provided should any of us fail, the shortcomings are all our own. Though you would not accept it you must know that you could not have given more than you gave, you could not have done more than you did and you could not have been more than you were to us, as a husband, as a father and as a friend we will continue to live with you laugh with you and love you
{J. O'Connor}
{Eulogy for his Dad 12/12/00}
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FOR YOU GRANDPA
I love you
You are gone,
But forever remaining in my heart
Your love and generosity
Has been like the sun
Shining down on me.
You've given your all
To make the ones you've loved
Have what you did not
Never asking for one thing in return
I will never forget all you have given me.
All you have made possible for me.
I love you with all my heart and soul
And you will forever live on in my heart.
Your eyes always filled with love
Your smile that could light up a room
The special bond that could never be broken
For all these things
I LOVE YOU GRANDPA
{Written by his granddaughter, Emily Vadeboncoeur, & read at funeral mass by his daughter Patricia O'Connor, December 12, 2000}
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