Name/Title
AU Lambert, Bertha Elizabeth - 1896-03-15 letter to Joseph Hastings HarrisEntry/Object ID
1990.1.287Context
[Westerville, OH, to Mr. J. H. Harris, Ada, Ohio]
Westerville O., Mch. 15, '96.
Mr. J. H. Harris,
Ada O.
My Darling Joe: — It is with a trembling hand that I take up the pen. I surely feel my weakness as I have not for some time but I believe that God will help me in all I have to say. Whatever I may say in regard to our life work will be, as far as I know, just what God would have me say. I would rather not say it, but if it must be said I presume I may as well pen it tonight.
When I was but a little girl I began to wonder what I should do in this world. I wondered why God had afflicted me and blessed others with perfect health. But I soon solved this part of the problem, for I truly believe that God has brought good out of such an affliction, and that I am much nearer God than I might have been otherwise.
When I was about fourteen yrs. old and was suffering greatly from my eyes, I one day found myself weeping over my life work, for I thout [sic] I would lose my sight, and then what could I do. Something seemed to say to me “you can be a missionary.” I do not know I expected that plan to be carried out, but the thought comforted me.
As my eyes recovered the thought somewhat left me and for yrs. I would only think of it occasionally. For the last two yrs. that thought has grown deeper and deeper, until it has become a daily meditation. God has never said to me audibly “Go to the foreign field and win souls for Christ” as he did to one of the volunteers here. But according to my feelings of late I think God wants me there. I feel that it would be the highest ambition of my life to do this, and I have thought how very much easier and pleasanter it would be to go with you. But I promised God that if he would make the work plain to me I would go any place and if necessary alone. I have not felt that God was displeased with our plan (as I fear you have thought) but I just felt that I must do his will. It may not be His will for me to do this but that is the way I see it now.
I have not said a word to my folks concerning such work for I felt that I wanted to know God's will first — but I think they are aware of it.
I think as many as twenty persons have asked me if I expected to be a missionary and yet I had never talked with half a dozen persons on the subject. Why did they know my thoughts? Possibly I manifested it but that was not my intention. All these things came as forcibly as if they had been sent directly to me.
Although bound together as we are, we are still two distinct beings and one soul cannot do the work of another. If you are called to work at home and I continue to be called to the foreign field I think it must necessarily make a change in our plans, for I do not think we should join ourselves to one who is not alike interested in such a line of work and as truly called to that work, and as anxious to go.
As I sit here alone with God at the hour of 10 P.M. I almost wish I could look over your shoulder and see what awaits me. But God is looking over both shoulders and sees every thout [sic] and word. I think we can surely trust in Him to lead us forth into the unknown future which just now seems so misty.
“O Father take us and use to thy name's honor and glory.”
“I'll go where you want me to go dear Lord
Over mountain and vail and sea.
I'll say what you want me to say dear Lord,
I'll be what you'd like me to be.”
I could not say where the Master wants me to go. I have had my mind on Africa all the time but perhaps that is because we have more missionaries there and I have heard more about it. It does not matter to me where that is with God.
And now I have described my position as best I could, and as I would not feel free to do with any other.
I trust that I have said all for God's glory and that we may find that He has been leading us in the same path with only Him between us.
I only attended four services today and this afternoon read “Murdered Millions.” It surely ought to arouse every spark of sympathy for humanity.
I am looking forward to our visit with great pleasure. I told D. I. that it was about time for him to practice filling plates so we had him at it today. I listened to two good sermons by senator Harbaugh today.
Hoping to see you soon I am still
Your Loving Bertha.
