Name/Title
Letter dated Aug 10, 1962 ? To Bodine unknown ?Entry/Object ID
000860Tags
Unknown CatagoryDescription
Vernon Aug. 10th, 1832
Dear Bodine,
I received your letter, & papers, all of which came direct to me on arrival last evening, directed to Lansing, which I suppose came from you. I will thank you for it just now, as he is not at home. The particularity of your letter I considered of the importance Henry Clay was very fully much more so than any I have seen before.
Since the reception of your last letter which arrived the 5th, I have been thinking of writing. But I hardly know what to say. Shall I be frank, and speak first as I have felt and thought for a long time. I think you will agree, but I feel myself that, that will be the only right thing for me to do.
I have been thinking of writing, but you know what you say, I have tried to say, in a more general matter. But, you know, I will continue what I say, and find it more convenient to write.
I am willing to advance myself enough to at least to prove myself in earnest. It seems to me, if you look at it right, you will readily see that I am very differently situated from yourself, between and the results of decisions. Although afterwards upon reflection you do not feel.
What have I to justify your sincerity by that speech, besides writing? I ought to have kept it to myself. I do not blame you for your letter, but it was wrong in some respects, especially as they have come hard full of assertions and had the appearance of candor. But that shall I say or think of my many broken promises? I think I have never allowed to them before. I would not forbear, could see any letter proof then the less I had for a long time I have my doubts and fears dispelled.
When thinking it over, I have sometimes come to this conclusion, that I had become tired and sick of my duties as were to care for it clearly, to tell me in plain language and tell me how I would take hint from appearances, I should have done so long ago, but that is the reasoning. One way I thought too much, to proceed in that manner; and the other was I could not at all times believe in a manner after receiving professions of regard. I knew not how to approach myself (as I knew I would, did they know the circumstances) for my sincerity, or for being deceived again after years of me had words and acts.
I think I have not condemned you hastily, nor do I wish for such. I believe, you would not find it in your heart to complain of my impatience.
I think I have not condemned you hastily, nor do I wish to describe everything. I do not mean to judge you, I have only expressed myself as it appeared, because I know some things will appear very different from you from what they do to me.
I hope you will treat with indulgence any inconsistency that may find here expressed, do me the great favor to forward an early answer.
S. M. Williams
